Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Colonel Popcorn’s Lonely Hearts Club Band

Chapter 2

Colonel Popcorn was still having a nervous breakdown on the snowy ground. Even though it was cold here, he much preferred life with his head between his knees. He could just close his eyes, block out all the noise, and pretend he was somewhere else.

“Seriously, Colonel, you can’t just stay here forever!” Aniko gave an exasperated sigh.  “We’ve got to get moving, or we’ll all die of frostbite!

River gave Aniko a ‘do you really think that is helping look?’ then turned to Colonel Popcorn. “Come on, Colonel P. I hate to admit this in front of you, but she is right in some ways…” she trailed off.

“We’re gonna DIE HEEEEERE…” Colonel Popcorn moaned, only to be interrupted by Aniko, who shouted:

“Hey, where’d Aziminil go?!”

River, who wasn’t surprised by this turn of events at all, looked over her shoulder only to find Marigold’s tongue stuck to a half-finished snowman and no Aziminil. Colonel immediately stood up and surveyed the  scene with a look that portrayed even more panic.

“Great! Just great! Of course we’d lose someone in this frigid, monster-filled landscape!” Colonel cried into cold air, filling it with a sense of panic.

“Hold on, Colonel P! Think about it for a minute,” River began, trying to console him, “Aziminil dresses like a gigantic neon butterfly. Why would we have trouble finding her in this landscape? It’s solid white everywhere.”

Colonel, who was in the middle of a long moan, suddenly stopped, and gave a soft, “Oh.”

“She should be no trouble at all to find!” River said, happy to have finally consoled Colonel Popcorn.

So, the trio walked over to were Marigold was still attached to her future husband, moaning only slightly from the cold. Still, though, she managed to be her normal, cheery self.

“He guysh! Whath up?” she asked from her awkward position on the ground.

“We’re leaving now,” said Aniko, quickly and to the point.

“But you can’th! Aziminilish ithn’t back yet!”

Marigold continued to talk in nonsense, till River reached down to her waist and pulled Marigold away from her soon-to-be husband.

Marigold cringed with pain, giving a long, “OOOOOOWWWCH!!!”

River crouched down to be at eye level with Marigold. In a slow, steady voice that sounded like she was talking to someone who only knew Common as their second language, she said, “Do you know where Aziminil went?”

“Uuuuuhhhhh, well,” Marigold began is a voice much like River’s, “I’d have to think about that.” Then, she looked proud, as though she had just said something very clever. River sighed. Marigold was like a leech, who would latch on to you and copy everything you did. Marigold viewed River as someone very smart, so copying her was making her feel special too.

“Actually, come to think of it,” Marigold said, returning to her normal voice, “I think she went to go get more snow for my husband.”

There was a moment of silence as everyone comprehended this new tidbit of information. Colonel Popcorn was the first to break it as he said in a shocked voice, “Your what?!

“My husband! You know, this guy over here,” Marigold said, gesturing to the snowman she had recently been attached too. “His name is Mr. Ice Cream,” she concluded.

Aniko immediately burst into hysterical laughter, clutching her side and falling to the ground. River was laughing as well, though not as severely as Aniko. Marigold gave the two of them a silently confused expression before joining in on the fun by giving a horribly fake laugh.

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! HA!” she cried.

Colonel Popcorn was standing alone in the middle of this chaos he called his life while trying to figure out a plan for how to find Aziminil.

“Marigold,” he asked her, once the laughter had subsided to only Aniko’s, “Which direction did Aziminil go?”

“Um, that way,” said Marigold pointing, “Nooooo… maybe that way? Or possibly that way. It also could have been that way, but come to think of it, it was probably that way. Though, that way also looks like it might be the correct one. Oh! It was probably that one, or that one, or that one, or-“

“SHUT YOUR MOUTH UP!!” Aniko yelled at Marigold, fed up with her speech.

“OKAY!!” Marigold replied, in the same tone but with a happy expression on her face.

“Anyway, it shouldn’t matter, should it? We can just follow her tracks,” River said, pointing down to the snow.

“Oh yeah,” said Aniko.

“Hold on, did you say that Aziminil went for more snow?” Colonel said.

“Uh huh!”

River caught on to Colonel Popcorn’s train of thought, “Why though?” she said, “We’re surrounded by snow.”

“WE ARE?! WOAH!!” Marigold stared on the ground in disbelief, “I thought this was just soft white grass!”

“You are SO idiotic!! It drives me CRAZY how STUPID you are!!” Aniko shouted at her, the end of her words ending with a growl.

“I KNOW!!” Marigold screamed back with a smile, “I’m just SO STUPID!!”

“Aniko, you should get used to this. I think Marigold and Aziminil invented the word idiot.” River said, arms crossed.

Colonel Popcorn, who had been watching this scene unfold in silence, finally put the group on track again. “Can we all PLEASE stay on topic!” he said. “Even though it may be easy to find Aziminil in this landscape, we are all still making this harder on ourselves by letting her get farther and farther away!”

“Yeah,” Aniko added, “Also we increase the risk that Aziminil gets eaten by a monster. ‘Cuz we you think about it, if it’s easy for us to find her, wouldn’t be just as easy for the monsters?”

There was a horrified silence as Colonel Popcorn let this sink in. “AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!” he cried, “SHE’S PROBABLY DEAD BY NOW!!! WE GOTTA GET MOVING!! AND FAST!”

And with that, the party scurried off into the distance hoping desperately to find Aziminil alive and well.

 

Now you must all be wondering what happened to our good Aziminil in the time it took the party to wrestle an answer from Marigold. Having just ditched her party in search to find something that was surrounding her, Aziminil was thinking about what such a good day it was.

“Would you look at all this sunshine?!” she said to herself, “My, what a good day it is to… to…” Aziminil stopped for a second and cocked her head. “What was I doing again?” she said aloud. “Ah! I was probably looking for an arctic squirrel to help my team navigate this icy terrain. I’m so helpful!” And with that, she continued to skip off into the distance in search of a creature that was nonexistent.

It had been about fifteen minutes, where at this point our party was (back at their temporary camp) was still trying to extract an answer from Marigold, when Aziminil stopped in her tracks.

“It’s snowing!” she cried happily, “What luck!”

Aziminil did a little twirl of happiness, resulting in her catching something out of the corner of her eye. It was a cave.

“Oooh! I’ll go in there! I’m sure that’s were the arctic squirrels are hanging out. I wonder if they’re having a tea party! Aw, that would be so cute. I hope they’ll let me join in on the fun!”

Aziminil scampered off to the cave. Standing inside, she wished she had a lantern to light her way. The darkness of the cave consumed everything, preventing Aziminil from seeing anything but the snowy landscape behind her. Almost anyone else would recognize that this cavern was a recipe for disaster, but Aziminil was not that clever. Instead, she thought about the tea party the squirrels were bound to be having and how she would just have to move forward a bit to find the light of their lanterns.

Aziminil stumbled forward in the dark, arms outstretched. She walked blindly for about five minutes, only tripping twice. But then her foot hit a rock, and Aziminil fell forward again. But this time, instead of hitting the ground, she just kept falling.

“AAAAHH!!” Aziminil cried.

SLAM! Suddenly, she hit something, though it didn’t feel like the ground Aziminil was used to.

“Ouch,” Aziminil moaned, “What was that?”

She sat up and suddenly saw a huge cavern that was filled with gold. The room was lit by lanterns hanging on hooks protruding from the wall, filling the cavern with a soft glow. Aziminil stood up and looked down at where she had fallen. She had landed on a pile of gold coins, which broke most of her fall. She walked forward, every footstep sinking into the riches around her.

“Whoah…it’s so shiny! I must have found the squirrels’ treasure trove!” she gasped.

The room glittered and sparkled as the light hit the gold around her. As Aziminil continued to walk, she saw a huge contraption rising from the wealth that carpeted the floor.

It was huge, majestic, and puzzling. A giant stone ring covered in runes was held in the cusp of two giant stone hands. It was so large that Aziminil had to lean her head back all the way to see the top of it.

“I wonder what this is?” she said aloud, her voice echoing in the huge cavern, raising the volume to more of a shout. “Maybe it’s a-” began Aziminil, only to be interrupted by a voice from the back of the cavern.

“What are you doing here?!”

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