Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Colonel Popcorn’s Lonely Hearts Club Band

Chapter 1

It had taken too long for the storm to stop raging outside the inn, but eventually it ceased. River stuck her head through the door. “Yeah, the storm’s totally done. There’s not even any more snow falling.”

“Yeah, but that still leaves like five freakin’ feet of snow on the ground,” Aniko grumbled from her fourth cup of cocoa.

“We’ll just have to go for it, I guess,” shrugged River.

“D-do we have too? I mean, this has been so peaceful, just staying here in this nice inn, drinking cocoa, eating warm meals…” Colonel P. trailed off, knowing from River’s glare that yes, they had to.

River sighed at Colonel, “We only stayed here so long because we were snowed in.”

“Yeah, we were snowed INN?!” Aziminil laughed hysterically. Everyone else just stared at her.

“Remember when we first came here?” said River. “We agreed to only stay as long as necessary to heal after that fight with Santa Claus.” Recently (if a month ago counts as recently), the group had defeated an evil Santa Claus and freed the elf slaves he had cruelly forced to make toys for him. “The storm already lasted longer than we anticipated, so I suggest that we leave now.”

There was a moment of silence before Colonel Popcorn finally gave a defeated sigh. “I guess we should go now.”

Unfortunately, it took longer than anticipated just to leave. The party tried to open the door, but there was too much snow to open it. Even with everyone pushing as hard as they could, the door only creaked and moaned, as if begging the party to stop. The group gave up on that idea and retreated to Colonel P.’s and River’s room to contemplate this dilemma. It was then that Marigold took to hanging out the window, which made Aniko realize that they could feed rope out the window and climb down.

“Here we go, I guess,” Colonel Popcorn’s shoulders slumped.

“Where exactly are we going?” asked Aniko as the party walked across the snowy landscape. (They had found snowshoes at the inn, though unknown to everyone in the group but River, they weren’t technically their snowshoes.)

“Down south and up the spine of the world,” Colonel replied, shivering in the cold.

“Silly Colonel!” Aziminil laughed, “The world doesn’t have a spine!”

Colonel gave a crazed laugh, “Oh, Aziminil, it isn’t an actual spine, it’s a mountain range. It’s only called that because it is big, long, and filled with MONSTERS…”

“Oy, don’t start now, Colonel P.,” River said with a sigh, recognizing the sounds of a nervous breakdown.

”I mean, we can’t ever go anywhere without it being dangerous and filled with monsters, can we!?” Colonel Popcorn was slowly losing it.

River and Aniko both started to try and calm Colonel Popcorn down, though neither were especially good at it.

“I mean, think about it,” River began hesitantly, “It’s not like we can do anything about the fact that were probably surrounded by monsters right now, can we? We’ve just gotta… go with the flow?”

“Y-yeah, so, um, you might as well toughen up now, C.P.! Are you a man, or are you a… um… man with a nervous breakdown?” Aniko tried her hardest to elaborate on what River said, but she was never sure what to say for fear of making their situation worse. Unfortunately for her, she had already failed at that mission. Colonel Popcorn had sunk to the snowy ground, his head between his knees, hyperventilating. So, while River and Aniko gave each other confused, hopeless looks and tried their hardest to help Colonel Popcorn, Aziminil and Marigold started to make a snowman together.

“AAAH!!” cried Marigold, “My tongue!” Marigold had tried to lick the ice-cold, half-made snowman. But apparently the snowman had not appreciated it, because now he had abducted her tongue. “It’th sthuuuuck!” she cried.

“Awww,” Aziminil cooed, misinterpreting the situation, “It loves you!”

“Awww! Youth thinkth ith doeth?” Marigold tried to speak from her awkward position on the ground in front of the pile of snow, “Thatth thow thweet!”

“Yeah, I- hey, I just had a brilliant idea! You two should get married!” Aziminil cried.

“Oh my goth! We thould!”

Aziminil smiled, “You stay there and I will go get some more snow to finish making your future husband. You can’t marry only half a husband!”

“Okay, but thould I thtay athathchted thoo him?” Marigold asked.

“Oh, yes. That way the wedding will be more special because you’re physically attached to him!” Aziminil paused for a bit before adding, “But he needs a name… How ’bout Mr. Ice Cream?”

“I like ithe cream,” said Marigold.

“Great! I’ll be back soon!”

And with that, Aziminil scampered off into the distance on her quest to complete Marigold’s future husband.

 

Art done by SquirrelHat.

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