Chapter 7
Colonel Popcorn’s Lonely Hearts Club Band
Chapter 7
The team was huddled around a diagram River had sketched in the thick dust that coated the floor of the kitchen in Lux’s castle. They had been there together in the kitchen for about twenty minutes, and were so far lucky to remain hidden. Apparently no one thought to check the kitchen, or maybe they simply hadn’t gotten to it yet. Either way, the group was hurriedly making a plan. A plan, which, to Aniko, was a bad idea to even attempt to make, let alone complete.
“Then,” River continued, moving the handle of a fork through the dust, “You guys can come through here…”
Aniko sighed and tried to listen. However, she really just stared off into space and thought about bashing through the walls and sticking Lux in a headlock.
“Aniko, are you listening?!” River jabbed her with the fork she was using to carve in the dust.
“Uh, yes!” No, she thought to herself. She didn’t really care about plans. She would go with everybody else and stab Lux when the time came! Simple.
“Okay, and that should be it!” River stood up and brushed the dust off her hands and knees. “Everyone got that?”
Aniko nodded with everyone else, and ignored the disbelieving look she got from River, stifling a laugh.
River smirked too and turned away; Aniko followed her, poking her back.
“What,” River turned to face her, “do you need a plan summary again?”
“Just the basic idea, yah.”
“We sneak around using servant corridors, which we hope will be more unobtrusive, ’till we reach the top tower where we assume Lux is. Then we’ll block all the exits and get her.”
“Cool.”
“We’re leaving once everybody gets their stuff in order,” River said, slinging her bag over her shoulder. “You ready?”
Aniko shrugged and nodded, picking up her own pack. “I’m just ready to kick some Lux butt!”
River grinned and left to go help Aziminil find her sword that had somehow gone missing in the eleven minutes the party had been in the kitchen. Aniko went over to second door that lead through to more servants’ corridors and bounced up and down on the heels of her feet, eager to get going.
Aniko watched the party assemble, sighing with impatience. Albert and Sophia were rooting through the pile of their and Colonel’s stuff that they had managed to grab on their way out, trying to find their spears. Once located, they began an argument of whose was whose.
“This is definitely mine,” Sophia said, inspecting the handle. “Cause remember? I spilled fantasy ketchup on mine.”
“No, that’s the scratch mine had when I fell off the outer wall! When you pushed?!”
“I only pushed you because you hit me for saying your new haircut was stupid. Which it was, by the way.”
Colonel was pulling his things out of the pile while they bickered, while Marigold stood behind him and analyzed him about his experiences.
“How did it make you feel to lose your chance at being an ostrich?” Marigold asked, tapping a half-chewed crayon against her notebook.
“Uh… happy?” Colonel plucked a dagger out of the pile. “I didn’t want to be an ostrich.”
“Hmm… that’s not good. We’ll need to work on that.”
In the corner, Aziminil, who had found her sword, was talking excitedly to River.
“…and then the dinosaur tried to hurt the pigeon, so I tried to stop it, but then the guy with the sword, not the little guy but the sad guy, found this really cool rock, and–“
“HEY EVERYONE!” shouted River. “Let’s leave now!”
“But I’m busy analyzing Colonel!” protested Marigold. “He has lots of issues to work on!”
“Analyze him on the way. Let’s go!”
Aniko grinned. Finally, they were going somewhere!
“COLONEL!” shouted Aniko. “Why is this taking SO LONG?!” The party had been trudging through the confusing mess of corridors for almost an hour. Aniko’s feet were starting to hurt, which made her angry.
“Um,” Colonel looked right and left, clearly considering his options. “I, uh, think we’re on the right track?”
“You better not’ve gotten us LOST!” Aniko yelled from the back of the pack. Colonel was leading them up front, followed by River, who had clearly been lost in thought as she had startled when Aniko had yelled. Aziminil and Marigold had been skipping side by side but had lost such excess energy almost forty minutes ago and were now simply walking. Sophia and Albert were in behind them. Sophia was carrying Red, whose short, stubby kid legs had failed her some twenty minutes ago. Aniko brought up the rear, keeping her one eye out for any approaching trouble.
“I-I, um… I think… no, that can’t be right.” Colonel stopped, looking right, then left, then pointed right, then pointed left, then–
“Colonel, if you don’t know which way’s which, just say so,” River sighed.
“Well, I m-mean, ‘don’t know’ is… subjective? What I mean to s-say is… uh–“
“COLONEL.”
“Okay, okay! I don’t know which way is which!” Colonel buried his face in his hands.
River looked both ways. “Aren’t we just supposed to be going up?”
“Yeah, that way we can get to the tower and corner Lux! I’ve been taking every stairwell I can, but this place is a maze! Haven’t you been paying attention?”
“Um,” River said. “Not for that last fifteen minutes?”
Colonel shivered and moaned. “We’re never going to get out of heeeeere!”
“Is he having a nervous breakdown?!” Aniko called from the back.
“I think so!” River called back.
“I’m right here, guys!” Colonel Popcorn moaned. “And I’m not having a nervous breakdown!” he said while crumpling to the floor.
“The first stage,” Marigold nodded knowingly, “Denial.”
Aziminil squeezed past River and knelt next to him. In her ever-cheery voice, she said, “Don’t worry, Colonel! Just think of all the cute animals we’ll save when we get there!”
Marigold came up behind Aziminil and started pulling out her crayons. Colonel moaned again at the sight of them and River lunged to pull them out of her hands. “Nooo!” Marigold cried as River darted away from her, crayons clutched in her hands. “My craaaaaayons!! Not Rusty Blood Red!!”
“What kind of demented crayon pack do you have?!” River cried, darting beneath Albert and Sophia’s legs to reach Aniko.
Aniko grabbed the crayons as River passed them her way. “Don’t make me break them!” she called triumphantly as River slunk away again.
“Noooo! I’ll do anything!”
“Are you okay?” Sophia asked Colonel Popcorn, who was rocking back and forth on the floor.
“We’re all going to diiiiiiiie!” he moaned in response.
River, who was slipping past Sophia, said, “Don’t worry about it. He’s fine.”
When Aniko returned to the Colonel and River, having just got another five gold from Marigold, she found Aziminil doing some kind of monkey dance over Colonel, River flapping her hands wildly at her, and Albert and Sophia exchanging confused glances.
“What’re they doing?” Albert asked her when she stopped by his side.
“Probably getting us killed.”
“What?”
“GUYS!” Aniko called over the ruckus. “DO ANY OF YOU KNOW HOW MANY MONSTERS WE’RE PROBABLY ALERTING TO OUR PRESENCE RIGHT NOW?!”
River stopped abruptly, and Aziminil froze mid dance, standing on one foot. Colonel paused in his moaning, then buried his face in his knees to continue his lament quietly. As Aziminil toppled over, Aniko said, “We need to keep moving before someone finds us.”
“Colonel?” River tentatively patted his shoulder. “Are you ready to keep moving?”
Colonel’s response was muffled. “I guess.”
“Let’s go right,” River said decisively, partly to get the party going, partly to save Colonel the stress of having to pick. As Colonel Popcorn got shakily to his feet, River guided the party back into position and turned right only to be met face to face with floating shark with a turtle shell. River slapped her hand to its mouth to stop it from screaming. Colonel rounded the corner after her, gasped, and shot it with a spell that made the creature double over in laughter.
“Colonel, I was trying to be quiet!” River growled as the creature started belting out loud screeches that were difficult to categorize as “laughs.”
“It was the first spell that came to mind!” Colonel said.
As Albert and Sophia ran forward with their spears to silence the creature indefinitely, Aniko rushed forward and put her finger to her lips. Everyone quieted immediately. Aniko strained her ear to hear the whispers from the walls that she had just caught snippets of.
“Didja hear dat?” a scraggly voice from the other side of the wall said with suspicion. As Aniko listened she felt Colonel stiffen behind her. A small squeak from behind her told Albert that Sophia was having a reaction similar to Colonel’s.
“I think I heard something, Abracus.”
“It sounded like it came from behind the wall. Do we have rats again?! Alastor, you dummy! I thought you dealt with them!”
“That couldn’t have been rats! And anyway, it was Seven who caught and ate them, not me!”
“Muuur!”
“Well Seven did a bad job! C’mon over here, we’ll go check behind the walls and make sure it’s not those prisoners we caught the other night.”
Aniko and River both turned to look at Colonel. He was pale in the face. Albert was clutching Sophia’s upper arm. Everyone was still for a moment until Sophia started waving frantically in the other direction. As the party started running as quietly as they could down the hallway, Aniko heard River whisper in Colonel’s ear.
“Are those the monsters who took you guys in?”
Colonel violently shook his head up and down and just ran faster. The party ran around corners randomly and up and down stairwells before Aniko stopped, her hand against the wall. Panting, clutching her side with a stitch, she said, “I think we’ve lost them.”
“Oh, little kiddies, you most certainly have not!”
The group turned around to find themselves face to face with a giant eyeball with stick legs. Behind him was a giant eyeball with muscular legs and bat wings, and behind him was a furry, floating cat-eel. Colonel’s insides went cold as he recognized Abracus, Alastor, and Seven. He absently rubbed the bruise on his head, a memento from Alastor’s big stick.
“Nice to see you again, Mr. Colonel. Ms… ah, who’m I kidding? I don’t remember you two’s names! And… why, would you look at that! You three’ve got yourselves some new friends! And who might you all be?”
Colonel held his breath, keeping his eyes firmly on his foes.
“Your dooms!” Aniko called violently from in front of him.
“Hahaha! Y’know, sweetheart, somehow I strongly doubt that!”
Aniko roared with anger and rushed forward, brandishing her short sword. However, Abracus darted out of the way, crawling up her legs and onto her head. With a quick snap of his fingers, Aniko stiffened, then froze.
“A-Aniko?” Colonel stammered.
Turning to face the group again, Aniko’s eye was now a deep red, her face emotionless. Abracus chuckled from atop her hair and said, “Attack, new minion!”
Aniko rushed toward Aziminil, her short sword pointed at her throat. Aziminil stared with a confused gaze at her ally before Marigold shoved her to the floor at the last moment. Aniko toppled over Aziminil and fell on the floor.
“My hero!” Aziminil turned to Marigold and embraced her in a hug that seemed to squeeze out Marigold’s innards.
“A-And h-how does that m-make you feel?!”
As Aniko righted herself, Colonel began frantically muttering. “Oh, no, oh, no, oh, no, oh, no, oh, no! What’re we gonna do?!”
“Kill the eyeball!” River called, pulling back her short bow and aiming it at the top of Aniko’s head.
“Don’t hit Aniko!” Colonel called.
But when River took her aim and let her arrow fly, she felt a shock roll up her leg. Looking down, she saw Seven curled around her ankle, crackling with electricity. Shuddering with the impact, River stumbled, and the arrow flew way off course.
Sophia caught River by her shawl before she hit the ground and helped her back up to her feet. Turning suddenly to the eel cat slithering away toward Albert, she brought her spear down quickly on Seven’s tail. “Oh, no! You’re not getting him like you did me!”
“Thanks!” Albert called while wrestling with Alastor.
“You okay, River?!” Colonel turned to her after shooting a spell at Abracus, which missed its mark.
“Yeah, I’m fine! How’re we gonna get rid of Abracus?!”
“Make him lose his concentration! A spell that powerful probably needs it!”
“Hey, Abracus?!” River called, “How would you like being blind?!” She threw a potato acquired from a previous adventure at the eyeball.
“Ouch!” Abracus called as it hit him square in the pupil.
Grinning, River passed a couple potatoes to Colonel and the pair started chucking them quickly at him, cursing him in-between.
Finally, with a potato thrown forcefully by Colonel, Abracus toppled off Aniko and hit the floor with a heavy thump and yelp. Aniko’s eyes rolled up in her head and she toppled after him, groaning. As the team advanced toward Abracus, he looked up quickly and waved over Alastor.
“Let’s get out of here, man! We gotta go get back up!” And, before the team could react, the trio rushed away down the hall and turned the corner out of sight.
“We gotta get moving quickly,” Sophia said.
“Aniko?! You okay?!” Colonel knelt by her side, River, Aziminil, and Marigold anxiously peering over his shoulder. With a groan, Aniko pushed herself up and said with her normal growling tone, “Where’d that little devil go?! I’m so going to kill him!”
With a collective sigh, the party rushed away as quickly as they could down the corridor.
The party had been moving for about twenty minutes before River finally said, “Look!” As Colonel followed her pointing finger, he felt his heart soar in joy as he read a sign by a stairwell saying “Top Tower.”
The party had finally made it.
Aniko rushed forward, yanking the door open. A huge, steep staircase spiraled up before them, and Aniko started pounding up the stairs quickly.
“C’mon, guys! Let’s start kicking Lux butt!”
River followed quietly after Aniko. Aziminil and Marigold had to stop going side by side because of the narrowness of the stairs. Aziminil followed River, much to the rogue’s dismay, and Marigold quickly squeezed in after her. Sophia went after her, followed by Albert, until it was only Colonel standing in the now empty corridor. Taking a deep breath, he looked both ways for any sign of more creatures, and, satisfied with his results, followed his friends, closing the door afterward.
Once everyone was gathered at the top of the stairs, Colonel made his way back to the front of the party. Another door stood in front of them, also with a sign reading “Top Tower.”
“You guys ready?” Colonel said in a whisper, turning to face the rest of his comrades.
“HECK YEAH!” Aniko said.
With a final nod from the rest of the group, Colonel turned back to the door, turned the handle, and threw it open.
It hit the opposite wall with a bang, and Colonel, River, Aniko, Aziminil, Marigold, Sophia, Red, and Albert all rushed quickly through the door.
“Why, hello!” a familiar voice said. Colonel stiffened. “I’ve been waiting for you to show up!”
Lux stood before them, tall and mighty in a new pair of combat boots. “Nice to see you again, Ostrich Man!” she said with a grin at Colonel. “And you, random guards I don’t know the names of! And the tiny child I stole! And friends! They would make such nice additions to my minions.”
“No one’s gonna become ostrich monsters today! Or ever!” Aniko yelled. “We’re here to kick your butt and enact revenge!”
“Revenge? For what? Almost turning your friend there into an ostrich? I was totally doing you guys a favor! I mean, who doesn’t want to be an scary ostrich hybrid?”
“Me!” yelled Colonel.
“Literally everyone!” River yelled in turn.
Aziminil, who looked lost in thought, said, “I think that would be kinda cool.”
Everyone in the party turned to give her a strange look. “Aziminil,” River said with a false smile, “you’re not helping.“
“Aw, who am I kidding? Like we’re gonna talk this issue out. Guys, here’s it to you straight,” Lux laughed. “All I want is the prisoners I already had. They broke curfew, they deserve it! But something tells me you’re not just gonna give ’em to me, sooooo….” Lux, quick as a flash, whipped over to the edge of the wall and pulled a lever. Suddenly slots opened all around the edge of the room, and robots with spinning knife hands flew out at the party.
“Aah!” Marigold shrieked. “Robots!”
As the robots whirled and spun closer and closer, Sophia called over the din, “Um, guys, do you think maybe we should get the small child out of here?”
“Here!” Albert rushed over to Red, picked her up, threw her out the door, and slammed it shut. “Get the robots! Don’t worry about her! She’ll be fine, I gave her a kitchen knife!”
“You WHAT?!” Sophia rounded on her brother. “She’s, what? Ten?!”
“Psh,” Albert scoffed. “I’m sure she’s not dumb enough to cut herself!”
“Less bickering, more stabbing!” River called from atop a robot, where she was expertly avoiding the knives while simultaneously piercing it with her own dagger.
“Sorry!” Sophia cried, rushing forward with her own spear.
Eight robots encircled the party, outnumbering them by one. Aniko ran forward to take two at a time, shooting explosive spells in between stabs of her sword. Aziminil and Marigold teamed up to take another two, Aziminil blowing through her kazoo, casting protective spells at Marigold and the occasional dangerous spell toward the robots. Marigold stood behind her, shooting her arrows off at each one. Colonel was shooting his own spells next to Albert and Sophia, who stuck by each other’s side.
“Ah!” Albert wailed, as a robot flashed by him, slicing a long, deep cut into his upper arm.
“Albert!” Sophia cried.
“I got it!” Aziminil called, rushing over to help, but on her way there, another cry issued from her as one of the robots sliced its knife across her back.
“Aziminil!” Marigold rushed over herself. “It’s a metaphor for your delicate mental condition!”
“Don’t worry, silly!” Aziminil righted herself. “It’s just a little scrape!”
“Your ‘little scrape’ is bleeding profusely,” River called from behind her.
Waving her hand dismissively, Aziminil said, “Psh! Water under the bridge!”
“Watch out!” Colonel ran quickly up behind Aziminil and pushed a robot off its course toward Aziminil. “Ow!” he frantically waved his hand as blood from a stray dagger ran down it.
“Guys, we need to team up on one! Otherwise we’ll never finish!” River shouted from the other side of the room, where a robot had just sliced her stomach.
“Team up on this one!” Aniko called from a robot she had managed to rip the knifes off of. Albert dashed over and rammed his spear into one of its eyes.
As the robot wailed, River pounced on it from above, driving her rapier into the top of its head.
“One down!” Sophia called triumphantly.
While the party ran around teaming up on robots, Lux continued to cackle manically from atop her pedestal. But her face grew darker and darker at every fallen minion.
Rushing forward quickly, Sophia used her spear to vault over one robot and jam her spear into the other from above, avoiding its spinning daggers. Marigold shot a couple in the eyes, blinding them enough that River could sneak up behind and stab them without being seen.
Colonel and Aziminil were firing their spells together, back to back. Colonel was playing a fast-paced jig on the flute, and Aziminil seemed to just be randomly tooting on her kazoo.
Aniko was firing spells by the back wall, usually on the same robot that Albert was fighting, mostly because he seemed to be slightly inhibited by his new arm injury.
The group was killing off the monsters at a good pace, but they were all still sustaining injuries. Albert’s arm looked the worse for wear, bleeding through the layers of his clothes. Despite the injuries the party received, however, they pressed forward and, with a final slash from Aniko, the last robot fell to the floor with a clatter.
“The game’s up, Lux!” she shouted, pointing her finger accusingly at her.
Lux grinned. “Oh, is it?”

With a sudden movement toward the party, Lux grabbed River by the front of her shawl and forced her quickly toward the window. River, who had been examining the remains of one of the robots, hadn’t seen Lux moving toward her until she was pulled away. Still stricken with surprise, River didn’t have the time to break free before she found herself dangling out the open window Lux had been standing by.
Still holding River by the front of her shawl, Lux cackled again and said, “If anyone takes one step closer, I’ll drop her out the window!”
River twisted her head quickly to look down at the drop, then realized how dumb that was considering how she already knew. She was on the top tower, the tallest tower in the castle.
She knew she wouldn’t survive such a drop.
As the shock of what Lux had just done began registering with her party members, River considered her limited options. She could somehow twist out of Lux’s grasp, but that wouldn’t solve the problem of falling to her death. That also went for the option of stabbing her, kicking her, biting her, or anything else of the sort.
Aniko would probably just gamble with the fates and try it anyway, but River was of the more sensible type who didn’t like giving her life up to such odds.
“You monster!” she heard Colonel yell from the background.
She could try and convince Lux of her escape, but something told her that that option would either not work, or would already be attempted by her comrades.
“No! Kiwi Rivi!” Aziminil cried.
That only left lying her uselessly while staring up at the cloudy sky. This made River very angry and slightly scared.
“Let’er go!” Aniko shouted angrily from behind Colonel.
“No!” Lux said condescendingly, “Why do you think I would do that? I’m not that thick! Now stay where you are, or your little friend goes splat like a pancake. “
“What do you want us do?!” Sophia called. “You can’t kill her!”
“I want you all to go get in that cage! I could do a lot of experiments with such a large group! Just think of the ostriches!”
“We’re not letting you experiment on us! That’s the whole reason we escaped!” Albert said indignantly. “I don’t care who you stick out a window, I won’t let you turn me into some abomination!”
“Oh yeah?” Lux grinned, “What if it was your own sister?”
Albert seemed taken aback while he considered this.
“Y’know,” River called from her precarious position, “either way, we’d end up basically dead. One way I die, the other way we all get turned into creepy abominations. Either way I’m as good as dead.”
“River,” Colonel said, “you’re not helping your situation at all.”
“What?! I’m just saying the basic logic! Either way I’ll be as good as dead!”
“Yes, but one way I’ll have to spend the rest of my life knowing I as good as killed you!” Colonel sighed.
“It’s not as good as death, River!” chirped Aziminil. “What if you got to be part puppy? Or pony? Or squirrel?”
“Okay, clearly this is a situation with many delicate layers,” Sophia chimed in, “So, we have too take it apart carefully so as to make sure we’re all hap–“
“UGH!” Lux sighed dramatically, “You’re all making me so bored! Why do you guys have to be such annoying hero-complexes?! Make a decision now or I’m throwing her out a window!”
“Or!” Aniko called quickly, “We could… bribe you with money instead?”
Lux paused. She screwed her face up in concentration, then said, “Y’know, I think… NOT. MAKE A DECISION.”
“Aw, c’mon! Why don’t you want money?!” Aniko complained.
“It doesn’t help me further my cause!”
“What cause?”
“My Lux-is-gonna-have-a-good-time-turning-people-into-freakish-creatures cause!”
“Well, I’m just saying that–“
“NO! No one is gonna ‘just say’ unless it’s saying that their gonna put their butts in that cage! I’m throwing her out a window in THREE.”
Marigold and Aziminil gasped.
“TWO.”
Sophia threw her hands up to her mouth. Albert turned his gaze away.
“ONE!”
Aniko took a step back as Lux turned to face River.
“I guess your friends don’t care about you that much!” Lux began.
Then, as River looked up into Lux’s face, she said, “Look behind you, sucker.”
“You really think I’m gonna fall for such a classic– OW!”
Turning, Lux saw Colonel bring the butt of his sword down on her head. “THIS IS FOR TRYING TO TURN ME INTO AN OSTRICH!” he screamed.
“Hey! Stop–“
Bringing the hilt down again he yelled, “THIS IS FOR STICKING MY FRIEND OUT A WINDOW!”
“WHAT’RE YOU, CRAZY?!”
“THAT’S RICH COMING FROM YOU!” And, with a final whack that held all the force the Colonel could manage, Colonel shouted, “AND THIS IS FOR TERRORIZING THIS POOR TOWN!!”
The club hit Lux straight in the face. She stood there for a second, stunned by the force. Then, her grip on River went slack, and she slunk to the floor.
River, suddenly felt the tension on her shawl leave. Flailing her arms wildly in search of something to grasp, her hand caught Colonel’s outstretched arm as she started to plummet toward the ground.
Stopping with a jolt that almost pulled her arm out of its socket, she looked up at Colonel’s concerned face.
“Thanks!” she called from the side of the tower. “That was impressive!”
“THIS IS CRAZY!” he yelled in return.
Hoisting her back up to solid ground, Colonel sank to the floor. “Why did I do that? You almost fell off a tower! I almost got turned back into an ostrich! I almost killed everybody else with me!”
“Colonel.” River said happily. “We’re all fine!”
“WE STILL ALL ALMOST DIED.”
“This happens on a daily basis and you’re normally fine,” Aniko said from beside River.
“WELL YES BUT THAT HAPPENED TO BE A BIT MORE STRESSFUL THAN NORMAL.”
“Good job, Colonel!” Sophia ran over. “Way to beat up the bad guy! She’s out cold!”
“We won!” Albert jumped up happily.
Aziminil and Marigold seemed to be doing some kind of victory dance over Lux’s limp body, laughing all the while. It happened to look quite demonic, actually.
“So,” Sophia began, “What’re we–“
Suddenly, the door banged open and a small army of creepy creature abominations walked through the door, lead by Abracus.
“Nooooooooo…” Colonel moaned from the floor.
The group had Red tied up and gagged, supported atop the mob. Abracus strode forth and called triumphantly, “Mistress! We’ve brought the backup… MISTRESS!”
His lone eye that basically made up his entire body took on an expression of great shock and sadness as he saw Lux’s discarded form. “You’ve really defeated her!” he wailed.
The group stared at him with confused gazes, waiting to see what would happen now.
“Well,” Abracus sighed dramatically, “this is unexpected. Who defeated her? I need a specific person.”
The group was silent. Albert pointed quickly at Colonel, without a word. Sophia elbowed him, giving him a withering gaze, but Abracus had already seen.
Turning to Colonel Popcorn (who wore an expression of great terror and tiredness), he said, “What’s your first order of us, New Master?”
Colonel’s jaw dropped open. The rest of the party stared blankly at Abracus as if he had sprouted an extra pupil.
“W-What do you mean?” Colonel stammered.
Abracus, in a voice a adult might use to talk to toddler, said, “You defeated our previous and first Mistress, so now you’re our new commander. What do you ask of us?”
“Um,” Colonel stared in disbelief at them, then looked up toward his companions as if asking for an explanation.
“Ooh! Ask them to give me a hug!” Aziminil bounced up and down excitedly.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Aziminil,” River sighed.
“Just… go away! Be free!” Colonel waved his hands at them, signaling for them to leave.
Abracus stared at him with utter shock. “You can’t do that!” he cried, “We were bred to work! We all need a task!”
There were in fact, moans and sobs from the assembly.
“Ooookay?” Colonel said, “Well, um, at least release Red first.”
“You mean the kiddie?”
“Yes, I mean the child.”
The group took the girl down, untied her, and un-gaged her. She stumbled back toward Sophia, who scoped her up in her arms, wincing as the child hit her bruises.
“What should I do with them?!” Colonel turned his face back up to his party members, his expression filled with worry. Everyone had assumed different positions of rest since the fighting had seemed to dissipate, and several people were sitting on the floor next to him now.
River and Aniko shrugged. Albert, pale in the face from the blood leaking from his wound, just lightly shook his head. Aziminil and Marigold both launched into long lists of silly acts they could do to entertain them. Sophia turned her own head towards Colonel, thinking.
“How about,” she began, “they work for the town? Lux ruined so much of it that they could help with refurbishing it!”
Colonel’s face lit up. “That’s a good idea!” He turned back to the assembled crowd. “I want,” he said, “for you all to follow Sophia and Albert’s commands. Whatever they tell you to do, I want you to do it.”
Abracus turned to Sophia and said, “Well, what do you wish of us?”
“Um,” Sophia considered it, “Just… go wait in the castle foyer for further instructions.”
“You got it Mistress,” Abracus said, clearly sounding a little disappointed at such a dull command. “You heard ‘er!” he yelled to rest of the troops. “Let’s turn around!”
There were some upset grumbling, but they all turned without another word and filed out of the room and back into the hall.
Finally, the room was silent.
“We did it,” Sophia said in disbelief. “We actually did it.”
“I think we all need medical attention,” Aniko said, looking toward the party bards.
“Nope,” Colonel said, slumping onto his back. “out of spell slots. Go ask someone else.”
“Sorry,” Aziminil said, “I’m all magicked-out too.”
“UGH.” Aniko threw her head back. “Can we just sleep here?”
“No, Aniko,” Colonel sighed. “As much as I want too, we should probably go tell the town the good news and sleep in actual beds, at least for Albert’s sake.”
“Blood loss is a painful way to go,” River nodded knowingly.
“You’re a jerk,” Albert moaned. “Let’s just go.”
Moving at a slow, limping pace, the group descended the stairs again, then filed out back outside, the sky dark with dusk. Slowly moving back down the hill, the party went to seek shelter.
It was midday when Aziminil woke. The sun had just reached its highest point in the sky as she turned in bed to look out the window. She sat up quickly, throwing most of the covers off. Her eyes fell on the bed across from her’s: River’s. Her small figure was curled underneath the thick woolen blanket, her shawl thrown over the bed post. She was still fast asleep.
Aziminil’s gaze scanned the room. In the bed next to River’s, Colonel lay still asleep as well. Aniko was next to him, followed by Marigold. Darn, Aziminil thought, how come everyone is still asleep?
Turning her gaze to her side of the room, she saw Albert still fast asleep next to her, Sophia’s empty bed, and the bed where Red lay. Hold on, Aziminil stopped, where’s Sophia?
“Hey, Aziminil,” a quiet voice next to her said. “Glad to see someone else awake!”
“Soooophia!” Aziminil called happily, bouncing up and down on her bed.
“Shhh!” Sophia whispered carefully, “Don’t wake anybody else up!” Sophia sat on a stool next to Albert’s bed.
Aziminil hopped out of her bed and quietly padded over to sit in the chair next to Sophia.
“Watcha doin’?” Aziminil asked her happily.
“Sitting here, mostly. I woke up first when some of the nurses came through. I wasn’t ready for breakfast yet, and I don’t want to go meet the crowds alone, sooo–“
“What crowds?”
“Oh, apparently there are a bunch of people asking to see us. Y’know, the police and press and the likes. We’ll have to explain our story eventually, but the nurses aren’t letting anybody see us till we’re ready for ’em. Which is good, cause I certainly don’t wanna answer their questions by myself.”
Aziminil rocked back and forth in her chair for a little while before moaning, “When’re the others gonna wake up?! I’m booooored!!”
Sophia laughed. “Now you know how I’ve been feeling for the last fifteen minutes!”
“Seriously, though! Can I wake someone up?! Please?!”
“No, Aziminil, let’s not. How about we go get breakfast instead?”
“YEAH! Breakfast! I’m hungry!!”
Laughing, Sophia and Aziminil moved toward the door together. Breakfast consisted of toast, orange juice, and oatmeal. They sat at a round table big enough for about ten people. Aziminil finished in under five minutes, then sat back in her chair happily.
Eventually, Colonel Popcorn walked lazily through the door, yawning, and Aziminil bolted over to give him a choking hug.
“AGH!” he cried, “Aziminil!”
“Hey, Colonel!” Sophia said cheerily. “How’re you feeling?”
“Hungry,” Colonel sat down. “but otherwise okay.”
Slowly, the group began to wake up. River woke next, giving Aziminil and painful kick when she ran up to hug her stomach. Aniko (still grumpy and hungry) bonked her on the head when she attempted to embrace her in a hug. Marigold hugged her back, and Red just looked surprised. Albert, who now had his arm in a sling, was so taken aback by Aziminil rushing to him that he fell backward and hit his head.
By the next morning, the group went out to explain their story and show the townsfolk their new helpers. The curfew was lifted and Lux’s castle was raided for donations. There was already talk of turning it into a better hospital or possibly a library. Lux herself, who the party had thrown in her own jail cell the night of her defeat, was sentenced to a lifetime in prison.
It was now three days after Lux’s defeat, and the party was ready to move on to a different adventure. Standing at the city gates where Colonel had first entered the town, the party was saying a heartfelt goodbye to Albert and Sophia.
“I’ll miss you so much!” Aziminil was giving Sophia a choking hug.
“Bye Colonel,” Albert waved with his good hand that wasn’t encased in a bandage.
“Sorry for accidentally getting you guys kidnapped,” Colonel said.
“Don’t sweat it!” Sophia said brightly. “You saved our town like you said you would!”
As the group all exchanged goodbyes, Aniko pulled Colonel to the side. “Hey, Colonel!” she said. “Shouldn’t we ask about the portal we fell through to get here?”
“Um, I guess,” Colonel shrugged. “Hey, Albert! Can we ask you a question?”
“Shoot, but not literally,” Albert said, eyeing River’s shortbow.
“Y’know that… uh, structure? That you have up on the hill?” Colonel pointed toward the portal they had come out of.
“Oh, that weird thing?” Sophia turned her head to look at it. “I have no idea what it’s for. It’s been there ever since I was born.” Albert nodded in agreement.
“Is there anywhere we can learn more about it?” Colonel continued.
Sophia looked at Albert. “Well,” he said, “there is a big place of learning in the kingdom over, some monastery. What’s it called?”
“Uh, I think it’s a monastery of Oghma,” Sophia finished. “In the Quartzite Kingdom.”
“And you think they’d have information on your ruins?”
“Yeah,” Albert nodded his head. “Whatever it is, it’s been inactive for years. I pretty sure it used to be something really important and historical, but no one in our town remembers. The monastery over there might have some old texts about it.”
“Thanks, guys! I’ll miss you!”
“Maybe we’ll see you again somewhere!” Sophia said.
“Hopefully!” Colonel smiled.
The group was given a boat and provisions long enough to last them for the ride to Quartzite. The party waved from the helm as the boat began to disembark.
“Bye! We’ll miss you!”
“Come back and see us sometime!”
“Oh!” and Albert added quickly, “Watch out for pirates! There’s a dangerous group of ’em in the area!”
“WHAT?!” Colonel called back.
“WATCH OUT FOR PIRATES!”
“WHAT?!”
“WATCH OUT FOR– aw, never mind, they’re gone.”
“I hope they’ll be alright,” Sophia added worriedly. “I hope they don’t get attacked.”
“Nah,” Albert shook his head, “something tells me they’ll be fine.”
Art done by SquirrelHat. Writing done by PotatoCat. Editing done and a portion of the writing done by SquirrelHat.